


Phantasm

by iamladyloki



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ahch-To, Ambiguity, Body Horror, Concussions, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Gen, Horror, Kyber Crystals, Lightsabers, Minor Injuries, Original Character(s), Post-TLJ, Protective Ben Solo, Psychological Horror, Worldbuilding, lightsaber building, porgs, the world between worlds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-01
Updated: 2019-10-01
Packaged: 2020-10-10 21:33:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20534936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamladyloki/pseuds/iamladyloki
Summary: PHANTASM/ˈfanˌtazəm /noun1. an apparition or specter.2. a creation of the imagination or fancy; fantasy.Rey thought that she was finished with Ben Solo after Crait. She was proven otherwise when she crash-landed on a strange and dangerous planet with no way to contact the Resistance. Now Ben Solo might be her only hope of survival, if the deadly inhabitants don't get her first.





	Phantasm

◉ **Do you know the words that make the hidden door open? **◉

She’s in the fresher when the silence of the bond descends over her. She is already clothed, thank the Force, and is part way through her evening routine. They’re both lucky, Rey thinks, that they have not stumbled upon each other in more awkward situations. She can see his reflection in the mirror. He’s turned away from her, speaking with someone she can’t see. He briefly looks at her from the corner of his eye, acknowledging her presence in the only way he can. He seems agitated, like whoever is talking to him is giving him bad news.

“Just get it done,” Ben snaps. He lingers for a few moments longer before turning to look at her. “Rey.”

“Ben,” she says in the same neutral tone. She realizes he can’t see that she’s watching him from a mirror, so she turns around and meets his eyes. They are close, physically closer than they have been since the Supremacy. They have seen and acknowledged each other through the bond (usually with looks of anger and betrayal on her end, and hurt and frustration on his), but never with words. She hasn’t had the words for how his decision affected her, and she wonders if he feels the same way.

Rey surprises even herself when she says, “Thank you.”

Ben looks at her with startled eyes. “What?” he asks. That was clearly the last thing he ever expected Rey to say to him. Rey feels just as startled, but the words ring true. All at once she realizes what she has needed to say to him over these long months.

“You heard me. I said ‘thank you.’ Thank you for making me face the truth. I only have myself to rely on. I was trying to find anyone else to save the day. Han. Luke. You. Never myself. I can’t be the hero they want me to be.” She can’t meet his eyes, so she focuses on a spot on the floor instead. Her soul feels bitter and broken. Fragile.

“Rey,” Ben says in a strangled voice. Her gaze drifts back to his face and she sees a look in his eyes that is wild with desperation. He continues, “Please, join me. It’s not too late. I want you ruling by my side. We can make the galaxy _ better_.”

She shakes her head, a forlorn feeling settling within her breast. Will they never see eye-to-eye? Will he never understand why she can’t accept that kind of power? “No, Ben.”

He snaps, as she had been waiting for him to do. “_Why? _” he bursts out, and Rey suddenly feels trapped in such a small space with him, even though he’s not truly there. His presence is looming, and though she is tall, he still towers over her. She knows on some level that he would never truly hurt her, but after so many years of having to defend herself, her hackles instinctively raise.

He gestures wildly and his eyes flash. He says, snarling, “We want the same things, Rey. I know it. I can feel it. Will you really choose your _ friends _ over what we have, over what we could do?” He spits the word like it is poison. “I offered you the galaxy. You could have helped me save everyone. Now look where you are, a mere handful of rebels against the might of the First Order. Are you happy now to be with them?” 

“Ben, even if I wanted to rule alongside you, I would say no. I’m choosing _ myself_, not my friends.” Rey’s voice is firm but lacks any malice. She shrugs a bit helplessly. What he said reminds her of just how lonely she feels, even among her friends. Finn has Rose now, and everyone's so focused on saving the Resistance and bringing down the First Order that Rey feels like they are seeing her only as the last Jedi, not as Rey. She has become the hope for the Resistance and everyone seems to be counting on her intense connection with the Force. She is wanted for her abilities, not for _ Rey__. _ It makes her feel a sort of belated kinship with Luke. 

Rey continues, “And the answer to your last question is no, actually. I’m not happy. I wanted you here with me, and everyone else is moving on while I feel...stuck. Nobody else understands the pressure I’m under.” As if on cue, the Kylo persona is dropped and it’s just Ben again, the anger leaching from him. His eyes soften and he relaxes his stance, his arms hanging limply at his sides. Rey thinks he looks slightly ashamed of his aggressive behavior. She gets it, it is his own method of emotional self-defense. Even if it irritates her to no end. 

Rey continues before he has the chance to respond, “I’m splitting off from everyone. I need time to figure things out for myself, and that includes being away from you. I need to build a lightsaber and I want to study the Jedi texts I took from Ahch-To. I need to figure out my place in all of this. _ On my own_.”

He furrows his brow. “Ahch-To?” he echoes. Rey realizes she’s revealed where Luke went into self-imposed exile, but then remembers that Luke is gone. It doesn’t matter anymore, there’s nothing for the First Order to find but empty huts, wildlife, and the Caretakers. Ben continues, muttering to himself, “Of course. That’s the location of one of the oldest Jedi temples.”

“The first Jedi temple, if Luke was correct,” Rey replies. She pauses and then her curiosity gets the better of her. “Did Luke ever apologize to you?” She only knows what happened between Luke and Kylo Ren on Crait based on recounted stories, and nobody really knows what exactly went on between the two.

As if on cue, Ben’s eyes fill with rage. Ben snarls, “His words were empty. He didn’t mean them. He was just using me to save the Resistance. His sacrifice was useless.”

“Not useless,” Rey says. “But he should have apologized. _He_ helped create Kylo Ren. _He_ failed you. But you also failed him. You never stopped to think about what happened. Ben, he wasn’t going to kill you at the Temple.” He gives an infuriated look that alarms her and she corrects, “I mean, he considered it for a single moment, but he regretted it the instant he ignited his saber. Yes, he was wrong to decide that you were a lost cause, because you weren’t—you _aren’t_, but he was only human. We are human before we are Jedi or anything else.”

Ben seems to consider her words, all sorts of emotions flitting across his face in a span of a moment. The bond shuts off before he can reply, but not before she sees that her words have affected him. She only hopes it’s for the better.

* * *

◉ **Like a thought brushing up against a sigh **◉

Rey is in deep meditation the next time the Force connects them. She sits in the middle of the floor of her small cargo shuttle, posed as Master Skywalker had instructed: legs folded and eyes closed. One of the Jedi texts is open on a page about the importance of meditation beside her. She only realizes he is there when she begins to return to her own body. She slowly opens her eyes, inhaling sharply when she sees him. He is shirtless once again, mirroring her pose on the floor. He wears sleep pants that ride low on his hips, exposing more skin than she’s ever seen. She gulps and draws her gaze back to his face, not allowing herself to linger.

She can tell by the twist of his lips and the amused glint in his eyes that he’s fighting a smirk. He caught her staring. She feels her cheeks warming, but before either of them speak, Rey hears a noise behind her. She furrows her brow, utterly confused. She is alone on the shuttle, currently adrift outside of the atmosphere of Corellia. There shouldn’t be anything else on the ship to make noise.

“Rey?” Ben asks in confusion, unsure of what to make of her expression. She shushes him and waves a hand, ordering him to remain silent.

She turns away from Ben to investigate behind her and yelps in surprise. A very round porg stands in front of the refresher door, staring intently at her with its impossibly large eyes. It bobs its head twice and squawks obnoxiously. 

“Where did you even come from?” Rey asks, completely baffled. She looks around as though she will find some kind of explanation on her tiny ship.

“Rey?” Ben repeats, clearly curious as to what is distracting her. “Where are you? Who is it?”

She turns back to Ben and replies, “It’s a porg. I have absolutely no idea how it ended up on this ship with me.”

“A...porg.” Ben repeats, puzzled. “What is a porg?”

Rey tries to motion its size and shape with her hands. “It’s a bird found on Ahch-To. They’re brown and white, they have big eyes, and they have massive colonies all over the island. Hang on.” She stands and walks over to the bird, which cranes its neck up to keep looking at her, seemingly unafraid. She scoops it up into her hands and walks back over to Ben, and then settles down on the floor again. “Can you see it?”

“I cannot,” he says, raising an eyebrow just slightly.

She concentrates, trying to will the Force to listen to her command across the bond. It has worked in the past; it was how she temporarily closed the metaphorical door on him on Crait. That moment she’d needed time away from him and to focus on the Resistance’s escape, even though it had been difficult to leave him behind. There was nothing else to be done to help Ben at that point.

Rey can feel the porg’s life force and uses this to help her project it across the connection. Suddenly Ben leans backwards, away from the bird that Rey is holding up to him. “_That’s _ a porg? It’s…” he trails off.

“Kind of ugly?” Rey suggests, taking another look at the creature.

“It’s something,” Ben says, giving it a funny look.

Rey turns the porg around to face her. It looks up at Rey with its big, sad eyes, making a slight whining sound. “Don’t look at me like that,” she admonishes. Still whining, Rey relents, “Fine. Maybe you are kind of cute.” She sets the porg down, unable to look into its terribly pitiful eyes any longer. It slowly wanders away, investigating the ship.

Rey explains to Ben, “They infested the _ Falcon_, but I haven’t been on that ship in a while. I don’t even think this ship was in the same hangar. I literally do not know where this thing came from.” She shakes her head, deciding to let it go for now. There’s nothing to immediately be done about it. She’ll just have to drop it off at the next habitable place she stops, likely Corellia when she goes to pick up the remaining materials she needs to construct her lightsaber.

Rey looks back up and finds Ben with a confused expression on his face, as though he still trying to understand the concept of a porg. It occurs to her that neither has spoken with any anger towards the other yet. It’s a nice change. She hates him for it. Why is it so easy to care about him, despite him constantly making the wrong decision? She can’t think about this or it will hurt her more. Instead she asks, “What are you thinking about?”

He refocuses his gaze on hers and looks truly startled by the question. She keeps looking at him with what she hopes is an open, inviting expression until he finally responds. “The island. From your dreams. Was that on Ahch-To?”

Rey nods. “Yes. I don’t know how, but I had visited it in my dreams.”

Ben’s face remains thoughtful. He says, “You must have been receiving Force visions. Has anything similar happened, where you see things before they occur?”

Rey shakes her head. “Not that I can recall,” she says. They both go quiet.

For a moment, Rey wishes she could touch his hand again. The feeling of closeness and intimacy she had felt when they’d first touched was beyond comparison, but she would be fooling herself if she tried to initiate contact with him now. They want very different things, and Rey must wait in hope that he realizes his path is different from the one he is walking now.

Rey picks up the Jedi text and flips through it, trying to find anything of use. The words are dry and anything but straightforward, but at least it’s in a language she can read—if not a bit outdated. Eventually she finds the page on lightsabers. She bites her lip and glances back up at Ben. He is staring at her intently.

Against her will, a faint blush spreads across her cheeks from his scrutiny. When he looks at her like this, she can’t help but feel emotionally exposed. She looks down at the book again, unable to handle the intensity of his gaze. She clears her throat and finally asks, “Ben, did you build your own lightsaber?” But when she looks back up, he is gone, and the noises she hadn’t realized had dimmed are back at full volume.

It doesn’t take Rey long to determine where to build her lightsaber. Accessing star charts and ancient maps of places with known Kyber crystals, Rey selects Vereus, the moon circling the dwarf planet Metus. It is in the Unknown Regions and was mentioned in one of the texts, the remnants of an ancient Jedi temple buried somewhere in one of its cavernous craters. The text claims that it used to contain precious Kyber crystals. Whether it still does is a different story. She is concerned that the split crystal from Anakin’s saber is ruined for good, so having access to a new crystal would be ideal. 

Before Rey can land on the moon, Rey must translate one of the books she had taken from Ahch-To about lightsabers. It goes into great detail about how to build them, and Rey hopes she can glean all the information she needs from it. It is slow and tedious work, but the familiarity of the process from learning languages on Jakku relaxes Rey. It helps her distance herself from the events of the past few weeks. After so many years of loneliness, Rey finds it fitting but unfortunate that she is happy to be alone with her thoughts once again.

Well. Alone, plus the porg now named Pudge.

Rey had successfully located the items she’d needed quickly on Corellia, but had failed to find a secure place for the round porg. In the end, she decided that the little bird could stick around with her for a little longer. Even if it did mean repeatedly repairing things that it kept chewing on. By now she’d had to essentially porg-proof the entire ship to the best of her ability. 

According to the holonet, the moon’s oxygen level is just low enough that Rey will have to wear a helmet outside of her ship if the magnetic shield of the hangar is broken. The gravity is slightly less than that of other planets she’s been on, but it should not be enough to hinder her. 

She travels through hyperspace once more, still finding wonder in the cloud-like blur of stars streaking by. One of her favorite sights in the universe is the stars stretching out as she makes the jump. For so many years, Rey doubted she would ever get to experience this beyond simulated models on Jakku. Now, using a hyperdrive is as commonplace as, well, space travel. It is something that Rey never wants to give up as long as she lives.

To her relief, the Force hasn’t connected her to Ben in a few days. As much as she wishes this weren’t the case, after the last two Force connections, her heart had begun to open up to him again. She cannot afford to be distracted by Ben Solo while he plays at being the Supreme Leader. The near-extinct Resistance is relying on her to figure this Jedi stuff out, and she cannot fail them. Not if there is to be any hope for the galaxy.

When had the weight of the galaxy fallen on her shoulders? What had decided that she was to be Ben’s equal in the Light? Rey is thankful for all of her found friends, but can’t help but feel angry that so much pressure has been placed on her. She only ever wanted to be loved by her parents; she hadn’t asked for anything else.

She is distracted from her morose thoughts by the sound of a ship alarm—something is malfunctioning. Looking around wildly, Rey finds the culprit: Pudge has somehow managed to open up a panel and chew some wiring related to the hyperdrive.

_Kriff!_ Rey thinks, jumping up from the pilot seat and shooing the bird away. Wires are sparking, and Rey must cautiously try to repair it while trying to avoid being burned or electrocuted. She _knew_ she should have purchased a droid while in Corellia, but she’d gone her whole life repairing ships and tech without one, so she didn’t think it would be necessary. Another alarm starts going off, warning her that she is about to arrive at her destination. She jumps up and prepares the ship for their return to realspace. As soon as Vereus and Metus appear, the ship sputters and more alerts go off: she’s not going to make it to Vereus. She’s going to crash on Metus instead.

“Oh no, oh no, oh no,” Rey chants, strapping in to the pilot’s seat and prepping the ship to the best of her ability. She’s going to crash, but with any luck, she can guide the ship so that it does so gracefully. “Strap in,” she yells to the porg, just to make herself feel better. Even though this whole situation is the porg’s fault in the first place.

Metus approaches far faster than Rey would like. The atmosphere burns around them, buffeting the ship back and forth. They descend into a thick layer of clouds, and Rey must reach out with the Force to try to figure out if anything is immediately in the way. They break through the cloud cover and an expansive forest filled with towering evergreens carpets the ground beneath her. She pulls the ship up, trying to slow their descent, and finds herself skimming the tops of the trees, eventually snapping to a halt in the higher boughs at the edge of a clearing.

Rey’s heart hammers in her chest, the adrenaline still coursing through her veins. This was the first real crash she had ever been in. She can hear the porg squawking in the back of the ship, as though indignant that Rey allowed this to happen.

“Stupid bird,” Rey grunts. She looks at the view out of the window, assessing her surroundings. She is at least a hundred feet above the ground, teetering in a heavy shuttle. How is she going to get down from here?

The ship suddenly lurches to the left, and Rey screams in surprise. Of course. Of _course_ it isn’t over yet. The world continues to tilt sideways and then forward. The ship nosedives to the ground, and Rey throws out her arms to try and buffer the landing with the Force. A loud, resounding final crash throws her forward, and her vision goes black.

* * *

◉ **Thrown here or found **◉

Everything hurts, her head most of all. That’s the first thing that enters Rey’s awareness. She moans, recognizing the awful pain as a head injury. She’d sustained something similar when she was younger, when she’d fallen twenty feet inside the ruins of a Star Destroyer.

The second thing that Rey notices is that she is not in her ship, because she is lying flat on a soft surface. The third thing that alerts Rey to her changed surroundings is an elderly woman’s voice.

The voice croaks in Basic, “She’s awake.”

Another woman replies in a younger voice, “Well don’t just stand there, check on her.”

“Ma’am?” a third questioning young voice says, coming from a girl that can’t be any older than Rey herself. “Ma’am, how are you feeling?”

But Rey slips back into darkness before she can respond.

The next time Rey wakes, her head feels like someone is beating it like a drum. The throbbing is enough to make the world spin. She moans, unable to help herself, before rolling over onto her side and retching.

“Oh dear, dear. Poor child; let us make you well,” the elderly woman says. Her memories come back to her and she remembers what happened—the crash, waking up from an injury to three women apparently caring for her.

They tip a bitter-tasting liquid into her mouth. She nearly gags on it, but once she swallows, her roiling stomach settles. “Thank you,” she says weakly, wincing at the pain in her mouth. She must have bitten her lip in the crash. She tries to focus her tilting vision on the young woman sitting in front of her with the empty cup.

“You are dizzy?” the young woman asks, and Rey can only make a noise in agreement. The girl hurries away, presumably to make a new tincture. The middle-aged woman brings Rey a glass of water, which she quickly drains.

“How long have I been unconscious?” Rey says. Her voice is deeper than usual, and her throat feels dry, like she was back on Jakku.

“A little less than a day,” the elderly woman croaks from her seat by a hearth.

The younger woman returns a few minutes later and has Rey drink another cup of liquid. This one isn’t as bitter, but still unpleasant. It takes longer, but after a few minutes her dizziness dissipates significantly, leaving only an unpleasant buzz in her aching head.

Rey can’t help but feel a bit overwhelmed from their attention. When Rey had sustained her head injury on Jakku, she woke alone and had to drag herself back to her AT-AT. No one had been there to help her heal; nobody there cared.

“Who are you?” Rey asks, blinking against the light of the roaring hearth.

“We are the Ones Who Watch,” the three women say in unison. It is so strange that it sends a chill running down Rey’s spine. The ones who watch...what? Rey can’t think clearly. Her head pounds ceaselessly. Nothing makes sense.

“Rise, young one,” the elderly woman says. “We must go.”

“Go?” Rey says, utterly confused. She can barely sit up. How do they expect her to stand?

“We have a short window of daylight,” the middle-aged woman explains. “We must perform ceremonies before the dim and dark return.”

The young and middle-aged women approach her and help her stand. Rey lists to the side and the women grab her elbows, holding her up between the two of them. She has whiplash; her neck, shoulders, and back are so painful that she has to stifle a cry. She manages to stay standing with their help.

The elderly one pushes aside an animal hide, revealing the outside world. It’s blinding to Rey at first, the brilliant white light of the world causing Rey’s migraine to flare. She winces against the brightness, screwing her eyes tightly shut.

“Where are we going?” Rey manages to ask weakly, letting them lead her blindly. All she can do is put one foot forward at a time, hoping they won’t lead her astray.

They stop, releasing Rey so that she must support herself. She sways for a moment while she tries to keep her balance. Rey hears some shuffling and then:

“Open your eyes.”

Rey blinks her eyes open slowly, trying to let them adjust to the light. It takes a good thirty seconds before she registers what they are standing in front of. A small monument of stone with an engraving of a great stag. A raised bowl is built into the monument, and it takes another moment for Rey to recognize the monument for what it is: a shrine. These women are here to perform some type of ritual. The elderly woman pours a cupful of water into the bowl and chants something in a foreign tongue that Rey has never heard before. The middle-aged woman places a strange fruit into the bowl and says something in the same dialect. The young woman pricks her finger with a sharp needle and allows a drop of blood to fall into the bowl, also speaking in the same strange tongue.

“Step forward and release the air from your lungs into the bowl, dear one,” the elderly one says, her voice no more than a croak. Rey doesn’t move.

“Please,” the young one says, giving her a soft, kind look. “It is for everyone’s well-being.”

Rey supposes no harm can come from exhaling on a stone statue. She steps forward and leans close, releasing a long breath into the bowl. The elderly woman instructs her to repeat a phrase in the foreign tongue. Rey does so, spluttering, but the women seem pleased.

The women—priestesses to deities on this planet, Rey realizes—continue like this for four more shrines: a wolf, an equine, a great bird, and a tree-like humanoid. They begin to move onto the next shrine when Rey’s physical agony reaches a crescendo. Her vision starts to go white and suddenly she knows no more.

She wakes hours later on the same soft mat as before. The pain is still terrible, but she feels marginally better. Her head feels slightly clearer, which is a vast improvement to Rey. Nothing puts her on edge more than a muddled mind.

The soft voice of the young priestess says from nearby, “Are you awake?”

Rey makes a non-committal noise. She doesn’t know what she is. She still feels like she is dreaming. Maybe her mind is still fuzzy, after all. She sits up slowly and manages to avoid making a sound from the aches. Her head spins a little and she pauses to try to settle her balance.

“Are you still feeling dizzy?” the young priestess asks. Rey sighs and indicates that the answer is yes. The woman brings another dose of medication and a glass of water. It’s still disgusting, but at least the water helps wash the taste away. 

The woman hands Rey a ration bar. “I would offer you stew, but I think this will settle in your stomach better,” she says. Rey thanks her and eats it quickly; she’s hungrier than she realized.

“I do apologize for dragging you along with us,” the woman says quietly. “But it was necessary to keep everyone safe.”

_ Safe from what? _ Rey wonders. The entire situation makes Rey feel uneasy. Her instincts scream at her that this place is not right, that she needs to leave as soon as possible.

“My ship…” Rey says, trailing off. She wipes at one eye and grimaces; she must have a black eye, if the pain around her left eye is any indication. “I need to get to my ship.”

“I’m afraid your ship was destroyed in the crash,” the woman says. “It requires more resources than we have on this entire planet to repair it.” The sincerity in her voice rings true. 

Rey wants to vocalize her frustration but the quiet and darkness indicates that it must be the middle of the priestess’ sleeping cycle. She doesn’t want to wake the others, wherever they may be. The fire crackling in the hearth is low and her visibility is dim.

“I am going to retire now, unless you need anything else?” the young woman asks. Rey thanks her and declines any more medication; she is already feeling slightly woozy from the last cupful of medicine and from her healing, exhausted body. “Good sleep,” the woman says and disappears behind a curtain.

Rey glances around the room. The darkness feels oppressive, somehow alive and constricting. When an extra blanket of silence layers on top of the quiet and the still, Rey feels nothing but relief. _ Thank the Force_, she thinks.

Ben appears across the room. He looks up at her hopefully and then gives a surprised expression. “Rey?” he asks, voice sounding alarmed. She can only imagine what he must see: a black eye, split lip, and bruises and cuts everywhere.

She doesn’t know how much the women can hear so she motions to indicate that she can’t speak loudly. He approaches her and kneels by her side.

“Rey, what happened?” he asks, brow furrowed.

“The karking porg crashed my ship,” Rey whispers. A bark of laughter leaves Ben’s lips, and Rey can’t help but smile at the sound and the situation she found herself in, though she does give him a small glare. “It damaged my hyperdrive and who knows what else. I’m on the planet Metus. These three strange women found me and have been treating my injuries.”

“Injuries?” Ben asks, considering her again.

“The concussion is the worst of it,” Rey whispers. “The dizziness and pain are getting better.”

“Does the Resistance know where you are?” Ben asks.

Rey almost shakes her head but thinks better of it. Her neck still aches badly from the whiplash, on top of her throbbing headache. “No,” she says instead. “I only told two people my destination, which certainly was not this planet. I have no way to communicate with them, and my ship is too damaged to repair here.”

Ben sighs in frustration. Rey agrees with his sentiment. She finds herself too exhausted to sit up anymore, so she relaxes back onto the mat. 

Ben wants to say something. She can see it on his face, read it in the way he moves. Instead of speaking he sighs again. He settles down beside her in a more comfortable sitting position. Neither speak. Words are not necessary.

Except: “Thank you,” Rey whispers. She closes her eyes. His presence is a comfort in this strange place.

“Of course, Rey,” Ben says softly. He says something else, but by then Rey is already asleep.

* * *

◉** The wind plays a haunting tone** ◉

It is still dark when Rey wakes. The three women are nowhere to be seen, and Rey wonders how long she has been asleep. The hearth has dimmed to embers, so it’s been at least a few hours. She sits up and rubs at her eyes, glancing around the dark room. Her head feels slightly less foggy and the dizziness seems to be gone.

Something still feels off. Her heart is beating fast and the hair on the back of her neck prickles. The Force stirs around her.

_ Run. _

This word begins to loop in her mind, pulsing with every beat of her heart.

The need to flee seems irrational to Rey, but it’s impossible to ignore. She’s always listened to her gut—the Force, she knows now—which is likely why she survived for so long on Jakku. She isn’t about to stop now.

Her movements are slow and quiet. She realizes that she’s wearing someone else’s clothing. She finds her own clothes, clean of blood and dirt, piled neatly on top of a wooden chest near her mat. 

An empty satchel leans against the chest on the floor. Rey picks it up and begins to poke around the cottage for supplies. She finds a chunk of hard cheese in rind, bread, and a few pieces of fruit that she doesn’t recognize. She stuffs them in the satchel and breathes a sigh of relief when she spots a full waterskin hanging near the hearth. She sniffs it and detects no odor; she hopes that it is indeed water and not one of the unusual potions they have been concocting.

Slinging it around her neck alongside the satchel, Rey grimaces as the straps press on her painful shoulder muscles. Speaking of potions…

After some searching she locates the tonic bottles that the women have been using to heal her. She’s wary of using them, but she would rather be functional while on the run on an unfamiliar planet than collapsed somewhere, dizzy. She gently places them inside her satchel and slips out of the cottage unnoticed.

* * *

_ ‘A shame,’ the crone says to the other priestesses. ‘She would have made an ideal maiden. Now she must instead become the sacrifice.’ _

* * *

The world is eerily quiet. No wildlife makes any noise—no birds, no insects, nothing. The wind rustling dry vegetation is the only sound to break the silence.

Rey wanders for an hour in the dark in the hope of finding her ship before the sun begins to rise. Based on what the Priestesses told her, on Metus the sun only fully rises for an hour before it begins to set again, with hours of a dim pseudo-dusk before fully settling into night. The dark is unnerving, but not as much as the daylight—and at least her migraine throbs less in the dark.

Where could her ship be? She tries to recall any coordinates in the navicomputer, but the crash happened so quickly that she cannot remember. Rey pauses and takes in a deep breath. She reaches out with the Force, hoping it can help her reorient herself.

She can feel the plants around her; life, death, the Light, the Dark. Yet the Force feels strange on this planet. It’s almost like it is muffled, like it doesn’t have as strong of a presence. But how could that be possible? Everything is a part of the Cosmic Force. 

Rey’s headache gives a particularly strong throb and she pauses, deciding to risk drinking one swallow of a draught she had grabbed in the cottage. With any luck it will help clear the muddiness in her mind. The liquid is bitter so Rey drinks a swallow from the waterskin.

A thick blanket of fog is rolling in. For a moment, Rey feels slight relief, since the fog will at least provide some semblance of cover. But then she realizes how much the fog will reduce visibility; she will not be able to see her ship until it’s a few feet in front of her.

Rey freezes. A pale stag the size of an AT-AT emerges from the fog, striding across the land like a great specter. Vibrations from its every footstep rattle through Rey. The stag’s antlers nearly reach its rump, a multitude of tines twisting out like thorny vines along their impressive length. Rey can only stare in wonder. It looks like the stone engraving on the shrine she had visited earlier with the Priestesses.

The stag pauses mid-step, one front leg still hanging in the air. It sniffs, and with every exhale the fog swirls and thickens. It turns its head until it seems to be looking directly at her with its empty, white eyes. Rey’s heart picks up speed, suddenly realizing just how exposed she is. Should she stay still? Should she run for cover? Would it be able to sense her if she hid in the fog?

A few more pounding heartbeats later and the stag seems to deem Rey safe, or at least uninteresting, and moves on. It disappears into the forest, taking the edge of its fog blanket with it.

Rey exhales a shaky breath. _ What was that? _

This planet is more unsettling than she thought. She _ must _find her ship as quickly as possible.

Whether she will be able to leave is another problem entirely.

Rey continues onward, relieved to find that the fog is beginning to dissipate, sinking low to the ground. Her steps falter; she can see ahead of her in the relatively dim lighting, but the mist hides the terrain that she is walking on. Grass? Soil? Sharp stones? Does it hide creatures that will try to cause her harm? She could walk right into another dangerous—

No. She closes her eyes and reaches out through the Force in meditation. Allowing fear to swallow her up will not solve her problems. Once her nerves settle, Rey takes a deep breath and opens her eyes.

One foot in front of the other. Eventually she will find her ship and a way off this planet. She has to believe that.

Rey walks for what feels like hours. She crashed in a forest, so a forest is where her ship will be. The priestesses’ cottage had been in the valley of a mountain surrounded by endless grasslands and ponds. Up ahead, she begins to make out the outline of what seems to be tall trees. 

The ground underfoot is soft and slick. It is still obscured by a layer of mist, making it impossible for Rey to distinguish solid ground from water features. She could walk straight into a pond and not know it before she was headfirst in the water.

The familiar silence descends upon the already quiet world. Rey turns on the spot, seeking the person that she is most deeply connected to through the Force.

Ben is standing a speeder bike length away from her. “Rey?” he says. He sounds relieved. He probably is; the last time he saw her, she had practically passed out in the middle of a conversation.

“I’m so glad to see you,” Rey says immediately. She is, if for no other reason than because he is something familiar.

“Are you alright?” he asks. He approaches her, drinking in her appearance.

“I don’t know,” Rey whispers. “I don’t know where I am. I don’t know where my ship is. I saw something…I saw…” She sputters, unable to find the words. Instead she says, “I need to leave this planet, before…”

“Before…what? What happened, Rey?” Ben asks. He reaches an arm out as though to touch her and then hesitates, allowing it to drop back to his side.

Rey shakes her head and then covers her face with her hand. Her headache is back, pulsing strongly behind her eyes. She swings her bag around to take another swallow of the draught, forgoing a drink of water—she needs to preserve what water she has. 

“What is that?” Ben asks in alarm. “What did you just drink?”

“I’m not sure exactly,” she admits, resettling the bag on her back. “It’s a medicine that the priestesses gave me to help with my headaches.”

This time, Ben does reach out and place a hand on her shoulder. His touch is firm but gentle, as though trying not to worsen her pain. “You’re still ill from your crash, aren’t you? Why aren’t you resting?”

“I had to leave,” Rey says. “The Force…it…something told me that something was wrong with those priestesses. I think I was in danger. I’ve been walking for a few hours and still haven’t found my ship.” She pauses, taking comfort in his touch. It’s almost laughable—a few weeks back and his touch would likely have caused her to rage. She adds quietly, “I don’t know if I’m even walking in the right direction.”

A deep furrow forms in Ben’s forehead. He appears to be deep in thought. Finally, he sighs and says, “You’re on Metus?”

“Yes,” Rey says, and tilts her head slightly in confusion.

Ben picks up something and removes his hand from her shoulder to tap at it. A datapad? He stands there, tapping at it before sighing again. “Metus is about a day’s travel through hyperspace. I...I will be there soon.”

Rey’s eyes widen. “You—Ben. You don’t have to…” Why are words so _ difficult _ for her right now? Her head is still healing, and her mind always feels strange after taking the draught, even though it helps with her pain and symptoms. Finally she manages to say, “You can send my location anonymously to the Resistance. They can pick me up.”

He gives a half-smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. “Because the Resistance has that many extra people to spare for a rescue mission?”

Anger flashes behind Rey’s eyes. “Yes,” she says. She glares at him. “They are counting on me. They will risk people to save me. They give a damn.”

“About you, or about their last Jedi?” Ben asks with a sneer.

Cold washes away her anger, spreading down her limbs like ice. He found her deepest fear and is using it against her. “Both,” she spits. She hopes this is true.

As quick as his anger came, it disappears. He looks away, but not before Rey sees a look of shame on his face.

“Apologies,” he says slowly, like the word is catching on the back of his teeth. “It’s not you I should be taking out my frustration on.”

“You’re right,” Rey says. She crosses her arms and then grimaces when the gesture tugs on her whiplashed muscles.

Ben turns back to her but doesn’t meet her eyes. “I will depart within the hour.” 

Rey’s heart picks up speed. He still… he’s still going to help her? “But you’re the Supreme Leader. Aren’t you needed… wherever you are?” Rey wants to smack herself. Why is she trying to argue against him coming to help her? She can use all the help she can get.

His lips twist in a simile of a smile. “I can spare a few days away from the First Order. I am their leader, after all.” Rey opens her mouth to argue but he speaks again before she can. “Why are you trying so hard to keep me from helping you? Or is it the fact that I am physically coming to help you rather than sending someone else?”

Rey bites her lip. He has her there. Maybe that is why she is so anxious. Not because they are on opposite sides of a war, or because he’s the Supreme Leader of the First Order. But because of their history, and how the last time they were in a room together, she left him behind on a burning ship to save her friends. They are volatile when they share the same space; one wrong word, one spark and their tenuous relationship combusts.

Maybe she is nervous because they are mostly on civil terms for once, and meeting him face-to-face again could change that.

“I don’t know,” she answers instead. A rustling nearby startles her, drawing her attention away from Ben—something is moving within the tall grass in the meadow behind her. She turns to tell Ben, but he is gone.

“Hurry,” she whispers, knowing that he can’t hear her but speaking the word nonetheless. 

The fog has mostly cleared to reveal a large pond ahead of her, one that she likely would have stumbled into had the Force not connected her with Ben. Mist still lingers over the surface of the water, but at least the ground is visible now. 

The grass rustles again, closer this time. Rey wastes no time and hurries onward, hoping with her entire being that her ship lies in the forest ahead.

A great squelching sound causes her to skid to a stop on the muddy ground. She looks at the pond to her left and feels a thrill of terror run down her spine: something is emerging from the water.

It is massive. Aquatic vegetation covers the equine body. It turns empty, white eyes in her direction, and lifts its upper lip as though scenting the air. Its sharp canines are as long as Rey’s thumbs. Rey is once again stuck between the desire to run and the desire to remain motionless. Can it see with its blank eyes?

It steps in her direction. Without thinking, Rey bolts. She runs faster than she has in her entire life, as though her life depends on it. For all she knows, it does.

But no sounds carry behind her. She slows to a stop, turning to see if she was followed.

The creature is near the meadow. It is eating something—whatever had been moving around in the grass, she guesses. She shudders and continues on, praying to the Force that her ship is nearby.

It doesn’t occur to her until many minutes later that the equine in the pond held an uncanny resemblance to the one on the shrine.

* * *

The temperature drops when the sun fully sets. It isn’t the stark shift of Jakku, where one can die of heatstroke during the day and then find everything coated in frost at night, but it’s enough for Rey to regret not taking a cloak from the priestesses’ cottage.

A transformation of sound seems to occur with the setting of the sun. Animals begin to vocalize in chirps, yips, and howls. Birds flutter overhead in search of food. Something familiar about this chorus of sound helps Rey relax. It seems that on this planet, ‘normal’ means being nocturnal.

The forest is close. Rey wants to weep with relief—she is beyond exhausted. Her feet are dragging and her migraine is back full force. She wishes she could have rested longer at the cottage. She doubts that she will find her ship immediately, but at least she can find a place to curl up and rest for a few hours.

Her relief doesn’t last.

The animals have suddenly gone quiet. Not just quiet—there is complete, utter silence. Not the comforting muffled silence that the Force connection creates to let her know that Ben is there, but the kind that signals that something is very, very wrong. Rey stills. She can hear her pulse going _ thump, thump, thump _ in her ears, picking up speed as her heart rate quickens. A chill runs down her spine and she can feel the hair on the back of her arms and neck standing on end.

She is not alone.

Her instincts scream at her to hide, that she is prey and there is a predator nearby. Every footstep is an advertisement of where she is, so she tries to use the Force to tread lightly. The dead vegetation makes keeping silent nearly impossible. There, up ahead, is the edge of the woods. There _ must _ be a place to hide in there.

The sound of heavy footfall behind her has her picking up speed and working even harder to silence her own footsteps. Whatever is chasing her is _ big _. There, up ahead, is a fallen tree, with just enough cover that she might be able to escape notice. She drags herself beneath the tree, the scent of detritus and decay filling her nostrils. Once her limbs have safely been tucked away, she lays still, not even daring to blink. She is breathing so hard that she has to place a hand over her mouth to muffle her panicked exhales. 

The creature is so close that the ground shakes with each step. She can hear its rattling breath when it inhales, trying to seek her out. Her eyes are beginning to water from going so long without blinking, but she doesn’t let them close until the shadow of the creature has passed, taking the silence with it.

She takes a slow, deep breath and counts to fifty before she crawls out, trying to sense anything through the Force. To her surprise, she finds nothing beyond the natural death and rebirth of the plant life around her. Not a soul nearby, neither a bird nor the creature that had just pursued her. It’s as though it wasn’t even real. What kind of creature exists outside of the Force?

If Rey thought the planet was strange before, it’s nothing compared to now.

Adrenaline is still coursing through her, temporarily causing her exhaustion to abate and her hands to tremble. The last thing she wants is for the creature to find her again while she searches for her ship. She’s unsure if she will be able to locate her ship without a light source, regardless.

She glances around for a safe place to rest until dawn. Shadows from the moonlight seem to flash out of the corner of her eye, making her jump slightly with every shift of her gaze. She’s going to work herself into a panic if she doesn’t find shelter soon.

It wasn’t a comfortable place, but Rey decides to slide back under the log she used to hide from the creature. She takes some more of the draught for her headache—she’s dangerously low, probably only enough for one more dose—and drinks some water. Despite not eating for most of the day, she is still not hungry, but forces down some of the cheese and bread.

Something draws her from sleep (she doesn’t even recall _ falling _ asleep), but she doesn’t immediately realize what. Then it occurs to her—everything is silent again. Her eyes snap open and her heart begins to beat double time. _ Oh no _ , she thinks, _ it’s back, it’s going to find me-- _

“Rey?” Ben’s deep voice says from nearby.

Rey exhales a shaky breath and suddenly finds herself fighting back tears. It’s just Ben. Ben is…

“Where are you?” she asks, desperate for him to be close to Metus. It’s still dark out, so she has no way of knowing how long she has been asleep. She climbs out from underneath the log and finds him standing a few feet away.

“On my way,” Ben says. He glances over her and his eyes tighten. “I should arrive in less than twenty-four hours.”

“Hurry, please,” she whispers. She still feels like she could start crying, but she manages to keep tears at bay.

“Rey, what’s wrong? What’s happened?” he asks. His brow furrows and his hands clench into loose fists.

Rey takes a deep breath and says, “This planet was strange during the day, but it became something else at night. There are..._ things _ out in the dark. Sometimes I think the shadows themselves are alive. Ben, I can’t sense these things through the Force. I feel like I’m running blind.”

This seems to startle him. “What do you mean?” he asks. “The Force is a part of everything.”

“_I know that_,” Rey says indignantly. “It’s like...I can sense plants and some animals, but when I reach out to some creatures—one _ chased _me earlier, Ben—they just...aren’t there. It’s like they don’t exist.”

Ben frowns and considers her words. “Some things can suppress Force-sensitivity, but you would be unable to sense _ anything_. Perhaps some species have adapted to hide from Force users?”

It’s an interesting idea. “Is that possible?” Rey asks.

She can’t read his expression. He says, “I’ll do some research. But first—how are you feeling?”

Her head aches dully and her muscle soreness is manageable. She’s still exhausted, but she must have slept enough for her to recover some of her energy. She relays this to Ben, who looks relieved.

“Good,” Ben says. “I will be there as soon as I can, Rey. I promise.”

Rey manages a small smile. 

* * *

_ Is she still alive, or do you think one of the Great Ones has claimed her? _ The maiden asks.

_ She’s still out there, _ the crone says with surety. _ But for how much longer, I cannot say. _

* * *

◉ **The woman of the woods** ◉

What Rey told Ben was right in many ways. The shadows themselves may not be alive, but many things lurk within them. When the moonlight is angled just right, she can see dozens of eyes reflecting. Some even seem to glow.

The sky begins to lighten to grey, hinting that dawn is approaching. She slings her satchel over her shoulder, wishing with her entire being that this could be over so she could rest somewhere safe.

_ Ben is coming_, she reminds herself. He will arrive soon enough. Then she will be safe.

She pauses. Since when did she associate the word “_safe _” with the Supreme Leader of the First Order?

Yet, it’s true. Ben is coming for her. Despite everything, despite their fights and all of his responsibilities, he is still putting her first. It occurs to her that she would do the same for him, were he in her place.

With that warm thought lifting her spirits, Rey continues on through the forest in search of her ship’s crash site.

* * *

Despite the approaching dawn, Rey still feels unnerved. The wind through the trees makes a chilling sound, almost like moaning. The tree branches creak and groan, and the leaves hiss with every gust.

A crash site should be obvious. The ship had cruised along the treetops before landing at the edge of the forest. Fallen branches would litter the forest floor or be tangled in the canopy above her. If she can find these signs, she will locate the path to her ship. 

The pseudo-dawn arrives, giving Rey enough light to be sure that she isn’t missing any evidence. She wanders for over an hour before she pauses at a stream to fill up her waterskin. She leans against a tree to rest and eat a piece of fruit. The flesh is bruised from being tossed around in her bag, but it’s still good, providing a needed boost of sugar and some extra hydration.

She tosses the seed-filled fruit core and immediately has to keep herself from toppling over when the tree she was leaning on _ moves _. She looks up and nearly screams when she realizes it wasn’t a tree she was leaning on, but rather a leg. It is the tree-like humanoid from the shrine.

A great, wooden hand reaches down and plucks up the fruit core, bringing it to a mouth that looks more like a gash. It turns slightly so that it is looking directly at her with knot-like eyes, and then it seems to _ smile_.

“Do you want more?” she asks in a quivering voice.

It doesn’t answer, just straightens to its previous stance and stills.

She exhales. At least this being was benevolent. Still, she has no plan to linger, so she grabs her bag and continues on, following the stream in the hopes that it will reach a clearing.

The calming sounds of the bubbling brook and chirping birds is interrupted by another beautiful sound: a woman humming a song. The tune is cheery and bright, and Rey prays to the Force that this person will be kind.

Ahead in the gloom is a small cabin. Firelight emanates from the open windows. Rey approaches cautiously. The clear melody is pleasant and begins to put her at ease. She glances in the window and sees herbs hanging from the wooden rafters over a kitchen table, which is beside the crackling fireplace.

There is still no sign of the humming woman. She continues around to the front door, where she pauses, suddenly unsure whether or not she should knock.

But she is so _ tired_. She aches all over, and she is nearly out of food. And what if the woman knows where her ship is?

She knocks.

The humming stops.

“Come in,” a soft voice answers.

Rey turns the handle and slowly pushes the door in. The interior of the cabin looks cozy. The fireplace crackles merrily; woven blankets are draped over the back of a long sofa; rugs cover great expanses of the wooden floor. The woman faces away from her, sitting at a spinning wheel, turning what looks to be some type of animal hair into yarn. 

“I don’t mean to impose,” Rey says.

“No imposition,” the woman says kindly. “It’s been a while since I’ve had any visitors. Please, do come in. And close the door behind you.”

Rey does as she requests. She flinches slightly when the door clicks, seeming final.

“Are you hungry, dear?” the woman asks.

“I am,” Rey admits. She isn’t really; her stomach is in knots from nerves. But she’s not eaten much in the last day, and she needs to boost her energy.

“Help yourself to some stew on the fire. There is a bowl in the top cupboard to the left, and a spoon is in a jar on the table.”

Rey ladles some stew into a clay bowl and picks up a wooden spoon from a glass jar on the kitchen table. She takes a tentative bite. It’s all the hesitation she has, for the stew is delicious and she inhales the rest, ignoring how it scalds her mouth and throat.

“That was delicious,” Rey tells the woman, who is still spinning yarn. She still has not turned to face her, and Rey is unable to get a good look at her in the dark.

“Good, good. It has been a long while since I’ve had company. It’s good to hear that I’ve not lost my touch.” The spindle continues to turn. “Where are you from? You don’t sound local,” she says.

“I crashed here a few days ago,” Rey admits. “I was found by three women and have been trying to find my ship ever since. You haven’t seen it by any chance, have you?”

“No, I would recall seeing a crashed ship. Though, I don’t get out very often.” The wheel spins, and spins, and spins.

Rey’s eyes begin to droop.

“Are you tired, my dear? Would you like to rest before you continue your search? You may sleep on the bench if you wish. I promise that it is much more comfortable than the hard ground.”

Some kind of alarm begins to go off in the back of Rey’s head, yet her body continues to feel sluggish. Perhaps it’s just exhaustion catching up with her, but she feels...she feels...like a fly. A fly, trapped in a spider’s web. 

“I think I’m going to continue on,” Rey says. Her words are slurring slightly. “Thank you for your hospitality.”

The wheel stops spinning. “Nonsense,” the woman says. “You must stay. You look like you are dead on your feet.” Her voice isn’t kindly anymore. It barely sounds human.

Rey looks up to find the same dead, white eyes gazing at her. But that isn’t what frightens her. The creature hasn’t turned to face her. The head is instead attached to a long, grotesque neck now twisted to look at her.

Her body feels sluggish but her mind is racing from sheer panic. Rey scrambles to the door and grabs at the handle. It is locked.

“Where do you think you are going?” the voice hisses.The creature stands and reaches out for Rey. Its hands are _ wrong_. The fingers are unnaturally long with too many joints. “Hair so fine rarely ventures into my domain.”

_ Oh, Force. _

And then it occurs to Rey to reach out with the Force. She unlocks the mechanism and the door swings open. She stumbles out, clumsy from whatever she was dosed with. She can hear the creature hissing behind her but she doesn’t pause to look.

Her limbs feel heavy but she manages to force her legs into a slow run. She crosses the stream and continues on for several paces before she trips over a fallen branch and sprawls in leaf litter. Gazing over her shoulder with trepidation, Rey lets out a shaky breath when she sees that she wasn’t followed. In the distance she can see the white eyes leering at her from the cabin doorway.

Perhaps she wasn’t far from the mark when she compared the creature to a spider. Only instead of a web, it lures lost creatures into a cabin before consuming them and turning its prey’s hair into yarn.

Absurdly, Rey thinks about how glad she is that Chewie wasn’t the one the creature found. There’s no way it would allow a wookie to slip through its many-jointed fingers.

She stands slowly, using a nearby tree to support her, and continues on at a walking pace.

By the time Rey reaches the edge of the forest, the sun has fully risen. She pauses, debating whether to continue on along the treeline or whether to backtrack in case she’d already passed up her ship while lost in the woods.

Something tells her that she should continue on. The Force? Instincts? She doesn’t know, but she decides to listen. She remains under the canopy as she walks between the trees and the grasslands. A layer of fog coats the ground, and Rey kicks at it to watch the moisture form eddies. She still feels slightly woozy from being drugged, but at least she’s on her feet.

She freezes when a realization hits her. She left her satchel in the creature’s cabin. Now she has no food, water, or the last dose of pain medication.

All the more reason for her to reach her ship faster.

* * *

Rey stumbles upon a stream a short while later. She kneels on the stream bank, not caring that mud soaks through her clothes, and cups cool water into her mouth. With nothing to carry water in, she drinks as much as she can without getting sick before moving on.

She’s just thinking that the world is blissfully normal for once when a shadow passes overhead. Her gaze snaps upward, praying for a ship, for _ Ben_—but it’s neither. It’s a massive, ebony-colored bird, and it is gliding towards the nearest field. 

The tips of its tail and wing feathers skim the tops of the grasses; where the feathers touch, fire suddenly ignites. The fire spreads rapidly, consuming every piece of vegetation in its path. Small birds that had been hiding in the stalks take flight, and small animals flee and scurry into the forest.

It briefly seems to make eye contact with Rey, looking at her with its blank, white eyes, but continues onward, unconcerned with her presence. It is another shrine creature.

The bird sweeps across the prairie, turning golden fields to black. Dark, thick smoke permeates the air, choking Rey’s lungs. There’s no escaping it; wind drives it into the forest. She tears a strip of cloth from her shirt and places it over her mouth and nose. She ducks low to the ground, hoping that it will help her breathing.

Her eyes water and she coughs until her lungs ache. There’s no sign of the fire stopping—in fact, the wind fans the flames towards the woods, igniting the underbrush. Rey has no choice but to run.

Using the Force to propel her, she flies across the ground, outrunning even the panicking birds. She won’t be able to stay at this pace for long, but every bit of aid will help keep her alive. Her lungs burn and tears stream down her cheeks, but she doesn’t slow until she is forced to.

It happens all at once: the grasslands end to form a dried mud plain. There is nowhere else for the fire to spread except into the forest. Rey collapses onto her hands and knees, coughing hard enough to choke. She can’t breathe—_she can’t breathe__— _

A muffled voice calls: “Rey!”

Ben. _ Is he here? Did he land? _

He forces something into her nose and then fresh oxygen sweeps down into her lungs. She goes in and out of consciousness while the oxygen works. Awareness creeps back to her slowly. She is cradled in his arms. She blinks up at him, still slightly dazed.

“Water?” she croaks at him.

He nods and offers her a container. She takes it and drinks it gratefully. Her throat burns from the smoke. She realizes that he seems to be concentrating on something when she finally finishes drinking her fill. She hands it back to him and when he sets it down, it seems to vanish.

Her heart breaks a little bit. He’s not really here.

“How far…?” she asks. Her voice is still raspy.

“Close,” Ben says. “I should be here within the next two to three hours.”

Rey removes the oxygen device and offers it to Ben. “I’m not going anywhere,” she says dryly. He laughs once, humorlessly.

“Do your best not to die before I arrive,” Ben says. “I took time out of my busy schedule to rescue you.”

Rey shakes her head and manages a small chuckle before the Force disconnects and Ben winks out of existence.

* * *

◉** Stand and face the hounds of hell **◉

Rey rests for as long as her patience can stand before moving on. She walks slowly along the edge of the mud plain, just far enough from the forest to avoid any lingering smoke. Wind pushed the flames back towards the way she had come; what remains is a charred landscape devoid of life.

Her lungs still feel like they are struggling to absorb a full breath, but the oxygen that Ben provided helped tremendously. At least her headache seems to be fading.

Ahead, the plains abruptly transform into a vast mountain range. She tries to recall whether she noticed any mountains when she crashed. It happened so fast that between the cloud cover and forest below, she didn’t have time to observe all of her surroundings. 

She supposes it doesn’t matter because she isn’t about to turn back. She can only move forward.

Rey walks for less than an hour before the sky begins to darken, signalling the beginning of another long night. With any luck, Ben will land before the sun fully sets.

Unexpected pleasure mixes with relief at the thought. What will she do when she is faced with him once again, truly in the flesh?

Sleep, first and foremost. Two days of running in addition to very little sleep while injured is making Rey feel more exhausted than she has in her entire life.

But after that? There’s no planning that type of interaction. She will have to wait and see.

She is so deep in thought imagining scenario after scenario that she doesn’t immediately notice the fog creeping in. Faint rumbles beneath her feet draw her attention up in time to see the stag cantering into the remains of the forest, tossing its head in agitation and striking one leg out behind it.

What could bother such a massive creature?

Rey becomes instantly alert. She assesses her surroundings: the mountain range is still hours away on foot. The forest provides little cover due to the fire. A short distance ahead of her, the mud plains turn into grasslands. What appears to be an old, wooden barn stands up ahead.

Rey’s step falters. The mountain moved.

Until she realizes that it’s not the mountain that moved, but a stony gray wolf the size of a small mountain. The final shrine creature. It steps in her direction, moving towards the grassy plains.

Rey’s heart picks up speed. Her only hope is to take shelter in the barn and hope that the wolf doesn’t take interest in her. But then—too late. The wolf’s pace quickens to a lope. It definitely sees her.

Despite her tight lungs and exhausted body, instinct drives her into a fast jog.

Then she hears a pair of guttural growls from behind her. She spins around, skidding across the dry soil.

Two hound-like creatures the size of speeder bikes emerge from the fog, stalking in her direction. The stag hadn’t been running from the wolf. It had been running from these things.

Their bodies are sleek and their legs long, built for running; they lack external ears and their jaws are not unlike the crocodiles that Rey had encountered with Finn and Rose only a few weeks ago.

Rey _ shoves _ as hard as she can with the Force. It’s enough to send them tumbling off their feet several meters back—just enough of a head start.

She uses the Force to propel her forward, increasing her speed enough to get into the barn before they can catch up to her. She secures a large wooden beam over the latch, which prevents the snarling hounds from easily slamming the doors open. The barn is old, but still sturdy enough that she _ thinks _ she is safe from the hounds.

A ladder to a hayloft is to her right. She races over and scurries up it, the adrenaline coursing through her system giving her the energy boost she needs.

The wooden boards shudder beneath her from the wolf’s approach. She is trapped: if it can break through the roof above her, she will be food. If she stays on the ground and the hounds break through the door, she will also be food.

Crawling into a moldy hay pile, Rey closes her eyes and prays to the Force that Ben will arrive soon and that he will stay safe.

She reaches out with the Force. Like so many other creatures on this planet, she can’t sense the wolf. But she _ can _sense the two hounds circling the barn, trying to find a way in. 

The wolf is so close that she hears it panting with exertion. The ground quakes with every footstep. It snarls, loud enough to make Rey’s ears hurt, and snaps its jaws. For a moment she thinks it is attacking her, but then she realizes that it is going after the hounds. The hounds yelp, one and then the other, and go silent. Bones crunch, making Rey’s stomach roil with revulsion.

Rey curls in on herself, covering her ears with her hands as though blocking the noises will make the creature disappear. Her heart is beating so fast that she feels she might be sick. She closes her eyes and tries to meditate, repeating lines from one of the Jedi texts in her head like a mantra.

* * *

◉ **They were there and then were gone** ◉

_ Rey. Rey? _

Something touches her arm. She flinches and yelps, but opens her eyes to see what is after her now.

Ben. _ Ben. _ She lunges towards him, wrapping her arms around his broad torso and pressing her forehead against his chest. The relief she feels from his presence is so profound that tears begin to slip down her cheeks. 

“You’re here,” she says, her words muffled against his tunic. “You’re really here.”

Ben’s arms slip around her, hesitant for only a moment. His grip tightens and he pulls her closer to him. “You’re safe now. Everything will be alright.”

She doesn’t realize how hard she’s shaking until she tries to climb down the ladder many minutes later. She struggles for several moments until Ben convinces her to jump down, using the Force to cushion her fall.

He gently wraps his cape around her shoulders and scoops her up in his arms like she weighs nothing. 

“Please don’t leave me, Ben. Please,” Rey chants into the crook of his neck. “Please.”

“Never,” Ben agrees, squeezing her against him with more force. “I’ve got you, Rey. I’ve got you.”

What she wants to say is that he already has in the past. Or...she left him, but his actions left her no choice. But she is shaking so hard that she doesn’t think she is capable of voicing these words.

Rey closes her eyes like a frightened child when they leave the barn. Ben’s steps falter for just a moment. She almost asks what is wrong, until his gait smooths out and he continues to carry her to his ship. 

They board his command shuttle. She squints her eyes against the brightness of the lights. He gently sets her down in the copilot seat and then settles down across from her. 

“You’re pale as a sheet,” he says softly, brushing the back of his gloved fingers against her cheek. “Under all that dirt and grime. The ship has a sonic shower that you can use, once you’re able.”

Rey rolls her eyes slightly. He is as charming as ever.

Ben begins to prime the shuttle for takeoff when Rey mutters, “We have to find my ship before it’s fully dark. I need to pick up a few things.”

He sighs but says nothing and nods once in agreement.

The sun is fully set by the time they land the shuttle at the crash site. The ship had been much easier to locate from the air, even in the dark. Ben offers to get Rey’s things so that she can rest, but she insists on joining him. 

The ship is eerie in the dark. Ben follows behind her, lighting her way with a flashlight. Things had shifted after the crash, but it seemed stable now. Her satchel, which should have been hanging outside of the cockpit, was nowhere to be seen.

She jogs over and thanks the Force when she spots her bag on the floor of the cockpit. She quickly checks inside and wants to cry with relief—the two pieces of Luke’s lightsaber and most of the supplies she had purchased are still inside.

“Anything else?” Ben asks, not unkindly.

Rey’s mouth is forming the word ‘no’ when a sound has her heart slamming inside her chest. Fear has her frozen to the spot, incapable of investigating it. Ben unclips his lightsaber and ignites it. He strides over, peering cautiously, and then does the last thing she expects: he laughs.

“It’s your friend,” Ben says. He shuts off his saber and clips it back to his belt before reaching into a hole in the wall of the ship. The panel must have fallen to the floor after the crash. When Ben withdraws his hands, he is holding…

“Pudge!” Rey exclaims. She feels slight relief that the bird is alive, but the feeling is dampered when she remembers that it was the porg who got her into this situation. She stalks over, intent on expressing her anger to the bird.

To Rey’s surprise, Ben holds Pudge out of her reach. “Before you retaliate, I feel you should be fully aware of the situation.” He indicates the hole in the wall.

A pair of eggs are nestled safely within a nest of wires.

“That’s why you were destroying everything,” Rey says softly. “You were trying to find a safe space for your nest.”

Pudge squawks and bobs her head, clearly intent on getting back to her nest.

Rey hurries to the small cargo hold to find a small crate. The first one that she finds is filled with meilooruns and other fruit; she places a few pieces of fruit into her satchel and dumps the rest. She lines the box with blankets from her bunk and then brings it back into the cockpit. After Rey gently deposits the eggs into the cushioned crate, Ben puts Pudge in the crate with them.

“Now we can go,” Rey says, and Ben snorts. 

“If this bird crashes my shuttle…” Ben warns.

Pudge huddles on top of the eggs, seemingly content.

“She won’t,” Rey says, mostly confident that this is true.

* * *

At Rey’s insistence, Ben agrees to aid her in continuing her original mission before the nightmare that was Metus—to search for a new Kyber crystal on the planet’s moon, Vereus. While he pilots the shuttle, Rey takes a sonic shower and allows herself to relax for the first time in days. Her muscles _ ache _ from tension and exhaustion, and it makes her wish that this shower had water. 

She allows the shower to clean the grime from her clothes before dressing. The moment that she steps outside the refresher, a wave of fatigue has her sitting on the ground to rest. She will rejoin Ben in a minute…

When she opens her eyes, she is no longer on the floor. She blinks slowly, letting her eyes adjust to the lighting. She is on a pullout bunk near the refresher. She sits up, grimacing as her muscles protest. Cautiously, she stands and heads towards the cockpit.

“How are you feeling?” Ben asks, still turned away from her.

“Like I survived a planet that tried to kill me.”

He smirks.

Rey glances out of the viewport. They are landed outside of what looks to be the primary base on Vereus. “How long was I asleep?”

“Not sure how long you were asleep before I found you, but roughly seven hours,” Ben says, turning his gaze to her. The dark brown of his eyes appears black in the darkness of the cockpit. 

Rey sits in the copilot seat and turns so that she is facing Ben. He rotates so that he mirrors her position, knee to knee. “Thank you,” she says, sincere. Tears prick at her eyes but she blinks them away. “I think I might have died if you didn’t come for me.”

His brow furrows slightly. “No, you wouldn’t, Rey. We both know that you’re a survivor. You would have found a way. But I couldn’t leave you to suffer.”

It feels like someone is squeezing her chest. A feeling of warmth and belonging overwhelms her, similar to the emotion she felt in a hut on Ahch-To. The urge to speak words that she might otherwise keep to herself is strong, but before she can voice them, Ben nods his head towards the viewport.

“Are you up to searching for your Kyber crystal?”

Rey hesitates. “I think so,” she says. “Just look for the glowing crystal, right?”

His eyes dip to the saber still clipped to his belt. “When...when Luke took me and a few of the other students to Ilum to retrieve our Kyber crystals, it took a little time to find the one that called to me. I had been prepared to give up before I finally found it.” 

“What if…” Rey pauses, feeling slightly foolish. She continues when he nods for her to finish her sentence. “What if one doesn’t call out to me, or if I can’t figure out which one it is?”

Ben gently takes one of her hands in his. He says, “Have patience, you will know it when you see it.”

“Thank you, Ben,” Rey says. “I think I’m ready, then.”

He nods and then hands her a commlink. They walk to the ramp. “I will be waiting here for you. If you have any trouble, comm me and I will come find you.”

“You’re not coming with me?” Rey asks, slightly nervous.

“You can do this, Rey,” Ben reassures her. She hopes he is right.

* * *

**◉ ** **I took a little journey to the unknown ** **◉**

When Rey enters the base, everything is dark. She locates the control panel and turns on the generator. One lantern after another, the caverns are illuminated, until she can see deep into the cave.

She emerges into the first cavern. It is endless, seeming to extend deep into the core of the moon. The walls appear to be covered in ice, but Rey recognizes the substance for what it is: Kyber crystals. It is obvious that most of the crystals were mined, but many still remain. She brushes her hand along a cluster of them, reaching out with the Force to find the one that calls to her.

She continues deeper into the cave, unable to detect a particular crystal that stands out. Should it be this difficult? Shouldn’t one be glowing to indicate that it chooses her?

The cavern opens up to reveal a vast Kyber cathedral. “Wow,” Rey says, exhaling a breath in awe. The crystals refract the artificial lighting, making the entire room a brilliant, shining space.

And also making it impossible to spot any particular glowing crystal.

Frustration builds in Rey’s chest. This should be the easy part. She glances down at the floor and is startled by what she sees: the Jedi Order symbol, covered with dirt and mined Kyber crystal dust. She steps into the middle of it and lowers herself to the ground, setting her satchel beside her. Perhaps some meditation will help clear her mind.

She closes her eyes and concentrates on the Force. It flows through her and the crystals surrounding her. Emptying her mind is difficult but after several minutes, she finally manages it.

_ “Hello,” _ a warm, feminine voice says.

Rey startles and opens her eyes. Then closes them, rubs at her eyelids, and opens them again. She is no longer in the cave. Or she is, but she is also somewhere else. She is sitting in what looks to be space, with stars surrounding her on all sides. Ahead of her is an elderly Togruta female, posed in a similar meditation stance.

“Hello,” Rey echoes. She hesitates for a moment and then asks, “Where are we? And who are you?”

The togruta chuckles. _ “We are everywhere and nowhere. We are in the world between worlds. My name is Ahsoka. Ahsoka Tano.” _

“Are you a Jedi?” Rey asks, hopeful.

Ahsoka smiles and shakes her head. She says kindly, _ “I left the Jedi Order before it fell, when I was still a padawan. But I trusted the Force and it guided me in a new direction.” _

“You’re not a Sith, are you?” Rey asks, but immediately feels foolish. Ahsoka looks as much like a Sith as Rey does.

Ahsoka gives another small laugh. _ “No, young one. I am not. One need not be a Jedi or a Sith to use the Force. I forged my own path to use the Force for good.” _

This...this was what Luke talked about. This was the knowledge he had been trying to impart on Rey. The Jedi failed, that was true. They did not need to be revived to defeat the First Order. 

“How can we possibly defeat the First Order? How can I convince B-...how can I convince a dark side user to turn back towards the light?” 

A knowing look comes across the togruta’s face. _ “My Master was the greatest Jedi of the Order. He was selfless, and kind, and formidable in battle. But he changed, became something dark and unimaginable—a Sith, and the Emperor’s apprentice. When I learned of this betrayal, I couldn’t accept it. How could he become something so terrible?” _

Rey’s eyes widen. She has to be talking about Darth Vader—about Ben’s grandfather.

_"The dark side of the Force is selfish, isolating. It is a bitter, endless loop of hatred and loneliness. We all have darkness inside ourselves; it is through acceptance of these flaws and choosing to do good that we become balanced Force users. I could not save my Master, but the selfless love he had for his son did.” _

His love for Luke saved Anakin Skywalker.

Rey’s thoughts are drawn to the broken lightsaber. She opens her satchel and inhales sharply: both halves of the split Kyber crystal are alight.

“It chooses me,” Rey murmurs to herself.

Ahsoka’s eyes widen slightly when she sees what Rey is holding. It had been her master’s lightsaber. _ “The crystal has been divided,” _ she notes. _ “Yet it still lives. I can teach you how to heal it, if you wish.” _

Rey gives a tentative smile, filled with hope.

* * *

She emerges from the Kyber caves what feels to be days later. Ben does not seem overly worried when she walks up the command shuttle ramp, so it must have been mere hours.

He is standing near the top of the ramp. “Find your crystal?” he asks. She meets his gaze and is reminded how deep and dark his eyes are. The eyes of his mother, his grandmother. Eyes that carry a legacy big enough to crush the strongest of wills.

She draws the healed crystal from her bag. It takes him a moment, but then he does a double-take. “That’s…”

“I mended Anakin’s crystal,” Rey says, still shocked. “It chose me.”

“How…?” Ben asks, floundering for words. She understands what he is trying to ask.

“The will of the Force,” is all she says, pushing past him and heading to work on building her saber. She will explain the details of how she healed the split crystal later. For now, she has work to do.

* * *

Ahch-To’s sweeping, blue-gray ocean greets Rey and Ben when the ship breaks cloud cover on their way to the island. It’s as desolate and beautiful as Rey remembers.

Ben lands the shuttle in the same spot that the Falcon had occupied. He takes up the box containing Pudge and her eggs and tips his head towards the ramp. “Lead the way,” he says to Rey.

She attaches her saber to her belt and begins the long trek to the stone village.

Her heart begins to ache with an emotion she can’t place the moment the first huts appear. She can’t believe that Luke is gone. They hadn’t gotten on well, both due to severe misunderstandings. He could have been a great teacher, even if it was not as a Jedi. 

Regret, she realizes. That is the emotion she feels.

They have to pause occasionally to let her catch her breath; her lungs are still irritated from the smoke, though she has been improving steadily. She leads Ben past the village, where the Caretakers complain loudly (likely cursing, Rey thinks with amusement) and wave wooden tools in their direction.

“They’re not happy to see us,” Ben notes.

“It’s not you they’re upset with,” Rey says, a real smile forming. “You know when the Force first connected us and I tried to shoot you with my blaster? I blasted a hole in my hut and they had to clean it up. Then I wrecked one of their carts while practicing with my lightsaber. They’re not overly fond of me.” Ben laughs, loud and true. It is a beautiful sound.

They continue to walk until they reach a cliff covered with nesting porgs. When Ben sets the box on the ground, Rey has to cover her mouth when she realizes the eggs hatched. Two gray, fluffy, blind porglets are nestled under Pudge’s admittedly smaller belly. 

It only takes a moment to coax Pudge to relocate her chicks to a safe place on the cliffs.

“Come on,” Rey says, touching Ben’s arm. “I want to show you something.”

She begins to lead him towards the cavern where Luke taught her lessons. As they walk, something occurs to Rey. “Back on Metus, when you found me...I felt you hesitate outside of the barn. Why? Did you see something?”

Ben touches her elbow and they slow to a stop. The incline is steep enough that they are eye-to-eye. He considers his words before speaking. “When I carried you from the refresher to the bunk, you briefly woke. You asked if I saw the wolf outside the barn. I didn’t. I saw no sign of one. On my way to find you, I researched the planet but could find no information regarding the creatures you described, other than that locals worshipped many deities. I...I have to question whether or not they were actually there, Rey. Especially because you consumed medicine from priestesses who worshipped these deities.”

Rey’s brow furrows. “Are you trying to say that I hallucinated everything?” she hisses, mildly offended. “That still doesn’t answer my question.”

Ben holds up a hand in supplication. “I don’t know. I’m merely saying that it’s a possibility. Even if it wasn’t real, it was real for you, and that’s what matters. I hesitated because I saw blood on the ground, like something had been injured. I initially thought it was yours, until I realized that you had no open wounds.”

Rey doesn’t know what to say. The idea that the creatures hadn’t been real, that the trauma she endured was all in her head, is too much to bear. But… “The blood on the ground...I was hiding from two hounds. The wolf...it attacked them, I heard it eating them.”

Ben shrugs. “Maybe it was real. Maybe it wasn’t. If you would like, I can build a new Death Star or Starkiller Base and blast Metus from space.”

Rey is about to yell at him when she sees that he is suppressing a smile. A joke. He’d been trying to make a joke. At least, she hopes that’s all it was.

“That is not funny,” Rey says, shaking her head. 

“Not even a little bit?” Ben asks, a smile finally breaking out on his features.

“Not at all,” Rey says, and turns to continue their walk to the Jedi Temple cavern. (Mostly to hide the amusement on her face. She will _ not _ give him the satisfaction.)

When they emerge into the cavern, Rey can hear Ben’s sharp intake of breath.

“This is the Jedi temple,” he says, as though he is surprised. He walks slowly around the room, pausing when he reaches the Prime Jedi symbol. His expression is thoughtful, not angry like she had expected.

“This is where Luke taught me two lessons.” He looks up sharply at her and she holds out a hand, silently asking him to allow her to finish. He stays silent, but Rey can see the churning emotions behind his eyes. “The first was to teach me about the Force. I was extremely naive about it, much to Luke’s annoyance. The second was to explain to me why the Jedi Order had to end.”

“At least that’s one thing we agreed on,” Ben mutters darkly.

Rey approaches Ben and looks down at the Prime Jedi symbol. “I didn’t tell you what happened on Vereus.”

She meets his eyes and he nods, urging her to continue. “I became frustrated after I couldn’t find a Kyber crystal, so I decided to meditate.” Ben pulls a face, and Rey gives him a withering look. “While I meditated, a woman appeared to me. Her name was Ahsoka Tano, and she used to be Anakin Skywalker’s padawan.”

This, at least, catches Ben’s interest. “He had a padawan?”

“Yes, during the Clone Wars. She left the Jedi Order before she completed her training and forged her own path.” Rey nodded towards the Prime Jedi symbol. “The Jedi Order lost their way. To truly balance the Force, one must look within.” 

She slowly reaches out and rests her hand on Ben’s arm. “Ahsoka helped me to understand this. We must accept the dark _ and _ the light within ourselves. Choosing one side or the other sets you up for failure.”

Rey unclips her saber and ignites it. The blade shines a luminous white. Ben’s eyes widen. 

“When I healed the Kyber crystal with Ahsoka’s guidance, it became this color. Ahsoka says it’s because I choose to be neither a Jedi nor a Sith. But I strive towards goodness every day, while accepting the dark parts of myself. We are all capable of great selfishness and great selflessness. I think Luke realized this, too, on some level. After...” 

“After he betrayed me and I joined the First Order?” Ben finishes, voice deadpan.

“Yes,” Rey says. “After that. But Ben… Luke…” She trails off and sighs. What can she possibly say to convince him that Luke’s mistake was just that—a mistake.

“Are you finished speaking, or can I talk?” Ben asks. He smiles a little, offsetting the harsh words. She furrows her brow, still a little worried that she’s lost him again, like on the Supremacy.

Ben turns away from her and stares intently down at the Prime Jedi symbol. “I...believe you. About Luke. But that doesn’t mean I can forgive him.”

“I would never expect you to,” Rey says quickly.

“What he did...the way he treated me...the way they _ all _ treated me growing up. You can’t know what it’s like growing up under the weight of everyone’s expectations. My parents were war heroes. My uncle was a Jedi knight. And then I learned who my grandfather was. You were right before, Rey. I always feel this great conflict within me, pulling me towards both the light and the dark. I’ve been running away from both for so long that I don’t know what it’s like to feel in balance,” Ben admits. She can feel his confusion, his reluctance, his self-loathing.

“I may not be able to imagine growing up like that, but I do understand what it’s like to carry the weight of everyone’s hopes and expectations,” Rey says quietly.

He laughs once, humorlessly. “I suppose you do.”

They walk out of the cave to the spot where Luke gave her the lesson on the Force. She’s not sure how she knows, but this is the place where Luke became a part of the Cosmic Force. Based on his expression, Ben knows this, too.

“One final lesson, after all of these years,” he murmurs, brushing a gloved hand across the surface of the stone. He doesn’t elaborate, but a pained expression twists his face. “After everything, I don’t think there is hope for me. Nobody will accept my return, unless it results in my death.”

“Your mother will not stand for your death,” Rey says quickly. “Even if it’s not her choice, she won’t allow it. _ I _won’t allow it.” 

“Alright. Then it will require years of atonement. And I will have...two people on my side.”

“Ben, if you help us end the First Order and bring freedom to the galaxy, you will be recognized as a hero. You will still have to make amends, but you won’t be alone. You don’t have to be alone anymore.” She’s about to reach out for him but hesitates.

“Come with me,” she whispers. She extends her hand. “Please.” 

He takes it.

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to leave the ending slightly ambiguous, and I purposefully didn't answer all of the questions in this fic. Did the events really happen? Were they all side-effects of the drugs? You decide!
> 
> Song list (section lyrics):  
\- Could Never Be Heaven by Brand New  
\- Vanishing by A Perfect Circle  
\- In a Week by Hozier  
\- Lonesome Dreams by Lord Huron  
\- Ragged Woods by Fleet Foxes  
\- Thriller by Michael Jackson  
\- The Shrine / An Argument by Fleet Foxes  
\- Meet Me in the Woods by Lord Huron


End file.
